no pants–no service

“Mind your Ps and Qs … ” she said, inspecting me, my brother, and sister, adjusting the knots in our thick winter scarves and making sure our coats were buttoned, socks pulled up, shoes polished, and gloves on the correct hands, “… and if you’re good, we’ll stop at Lyon’s Café on the way home for a Knickerbocker Glory.”

I made eye contact with my nine and ten year old siblings letting them know I expected to get a Knickerbocker Glory that day, so they’d better listen to Nan. My brother stared back, “Ditto!”

Fast forward a few years, rather a decade or two, and I’m sitting in an American diner known for its pancakes. I order my eggs over-easy with blueberry stuffed French toast, and cupping the chunky brown coffee mug in both hands, inhale my first coffee aroma of the day. That first aroma is always the best … just like the first gulp of steaming coffee is always the best.coffeemug

Savoring the rich dark roast, I glance around the diner while my honey runs out to the car for his wallet.

At the table next to me sits a family of five. Two girls and a boy, just like our family. But unlike our family, no adult ran a quick discerning eye over them to make sure they were dressed to meet the world. With sleep in their eyes and ratty, greasy bed-hair, all three apparently rolled out of bed at the trumpet call of breakfast and forgot to dress. They’re still wearing crumpled pajamas, bed socks, and slippers … and that ratty, greasy bed-hair. Is that a piece of lint?  No, it’s fluff.  Did they at least brush their teeth?  More than one of them needs a long hot shower with a hefty squirt of fresh spring bodywash and a dose of man-strength deodorant.

Lest you’re thinking these are babies, the youngest is probably 12 or 13. The others, around 18 and 20.

I tell myself to live and let live, but mentally sigh. My honey returns with his wallet and slides into the booth, facing me. He leans forward nodding his head toward the booth behind me and whispers, “I think we’re overdressed”.

Two more pajama wearers. And over in the corner, a group of five friends, three of whom sport ratty, greasy bed-hair and yes, those crumpled pajamas.

psj2I don’t get it.

It’s not a “generational thing” because since then I’ve noticed many pajama-wearing adults from Gen Y to Gen Xrs and Boomers … at diner’s, coffee shops, grocery stores. Even in the mall and at the movies.

It’s not a “trend thing” because, in most cases, these PJ-wearers still appear to be in the zombie state of unwashed and disheveled half-sleep.

nopantsnoservice_pajamashoppingIt’s not a “comfort thing” because we’re already a nation that wears stretch garments with elasticized waistbands and oversized sweatshirts – and we’re known worldwide for our preferred footwear of sneakers, flip flops, and Uggs.

Neither is it a “socio-economic thing”. When you drive your sleepy, pajama-wearing-ass home in a Lexus 570L – whether it’s owned, financed, or leased – let me tell you, you can splash down twenty bucks on a pair of pants at Target. (Or that other colossal store that begins with W and plans to take over the world, but that’s another post for another day).

And it’s not a “cultural thing”. My family in Europe sees it too, albeit to a lesser degree.

So what is the deal with wearing pajamas in public? When did it become okay to roll out of bed and not clean up or dress up before heading out in public?

I’m not talking about glamming up to go on the town. Or being obsessive about designer clothing and preening in front of the mirror for hours. Or worrying about having the right accessories. Or dressing to impress.

no-pajamas-no-service-signBut can’t we have enough pride in ourselves to at least clean up before going out? To run a comb through our hair? Splash some water on our face?

Why don’t friends and family say – as I admit I would: Wear what the hell you like. Dress to express. But ditch the PJs and wear something.

Beachside restaurants and stores post signs saying: “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service”.

I say: “No Pants, No Service.” And PJs, my friends, are not pants!

What do you think?

the power of and

This year is all about integration.  For too long, I felt it necessary to compartmentalize the professional roles in my everyday working life.

It began around 19 years ago when I adopted a pseudonym, knowing full well that certain banker-beings would not appreciate one of their leaders writing sex columns for a Cosmo-like magazine.  Monday through Friday I continued as ‘Ms. Banker’.  Saturday through Sunday I became ‘Ms. Freelance Writer’.

Three years later, I quit banking, moved to Seattle to write fulltime, and landed several assignments including newspaper feature writer, school district newsletter writer, media company scriptwriter, PR blurber, book editor, publications editor-in-chief, and communications consultant for a major software company.

Again—or so I believed—the corporate world wouldn’t take kindly to my dalliances in the commercial world, and the editorial world wouldn’t approve of me spinning phrases for the PR world. So I kept my roles separate. I compartmentalized.

In hindsight, I think I was I wrong to do that for so long. bb_andOn many levels it helped me stay organized and productive, but it also prevented me from claiming all of who I am, and could be. I didn’t want to play one role in the morning, and a separate role in the afternoon.

Did it have to be either / or?  Couldn’t it be ‘and’?

I decided it could. Work, home, family, friends, play, love. It’s all life.

When we’re ready to hear the message, they say it will come…and on a soggy grey Monday, it landed on my desk in the form of David Howitt’s book “Heed Your Call: Integrating Myth, Science, Spirituality, and Business.”

Here’s an excerpt from my radio conversation with David on the power of ‘and’— and The Hero’s Journey.* 

Vicki:  I read in the book that you like your green smoothies in the morning AND you like your tequila at night. It doesn’t have to be an either / or situation.

David: Right. That point was used to demonstrate the concept of the power of and. What I’m trying to say in Heed Your Call, is we can have one foot in the world of purpose and meaning, empathy, intuition, perhaps a spiritual practice and another foot in the camp of commerce. My life, my experience, and what I’ve written about in Heed Your Call tries to create a bridge between the two. When you embrace ‘and’, when you live from a place of “I set my alarm clock, I balance my checkbook, I go into the office, I get it done every day, AND I tap into my intuition, my empathy and ability to understand those around me, and my creative, more artistic side” that’s really where the magic happens.

Vicki: You follow the spirit of Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey. Tell us what his work has meant to you and how you’ve carried that forward into your work.

David: I read one of Joseph Campbell’s seminal works in college, The Hero With 1,000 Faces. At the time I thought, “Wow. What a cool book.” There was something interesting about this concept. It wasn’t until the last five years that it started to really come back into my consciousness. I went back and reread the book.

As many of your listeners probably know, Joseph Campbell was the foremost authority on mythology. His thesis was that myths are something more than great stories. They’re more than just a collection of really neat fun-to-read stories. They [portray] the tough issues, the challenges we all face, the questions we all ponder contextualized in story and in archetypes.

His point was we can use mythology as a guide, as a roadmap to help us navigate life. In telling us this, Campbell pointed to one myth in particular that has been central to all time, all geography, all spiritual practices, all religions. If you stop and think about that, that’s pretty powerful. You can be Inuit, Eskimo, an aboriginal Australian, and you would have this myth in your culture.

That myth, The Hero’s Journey, always follows a very formulaic trajectory. That trajectory in myth is the basis for movies like Star Wars, Avatar, The Wizard of Oz … most of the great movies, books, and stories.

There is an interesting YouTube video where George Lucas sits with Joseph Campbell and says, “Hey, the reason Star Wars did what it did in the world wasn’t because of the acting or animation. It was because I told the Hero’s Journey. It tapped into the collective in a major way.”

In writing Heed Your Call and the work I’ve done in my firm, the Meriwether Group … we took the Hero’s Journey, that trajectory, and overlaid it against the life of the entrepreneur or businessman.

Vicki: How this has impacted your business, your life.

David: I don’t want to sound overly dramatic but it has affected my business and my life in really profound ways. Firstly, understanding and embracing this notion of the power of ‘and’… that I don’t have to make a choice between being successful or having an authentic, purposeful life. They can actually live together. They can co-exist and actually support one another.

The Hero’s Journey, helps me look at my life and where I am, and say, “Am I stuck in the known world? Am I now in the abyss? Am I on my path of transformation, or am I reaching my defining moment?”

I want your listeners to really hear: I am a business person. I enjoy commerce. I’ve had great fortune starting, running, growing companies, working for large brands, AND I want to have a life with a lot of meaning and purpose. This is not just woo-woo theory. This is stuff that we drive into our business practices every day with real world results.

Vicki: You had your first awareness of being on a Hero’s Journey after spending 20 years of your life preparing to become an attorney. You get this job. You’re an attorney down in Portland, Oregon. Thinking what?

David: What I want to say is, I am no different to anyone else. We are all born into our own individual, what I call, known worlds. For me, I was born into my known world, which was a culturally Jewish home in an upper middle class conservative Midwestern town. In my life it was known that you would become a lawyer or a doctor or an executive. That’s the path I bought into. I went forward from my known world accepting that as my path, as my purpose—or as the Buddha would say, my dharma. I excelled. I did well in school. I went on to college; took all the classes I was supposed to take. I did the internships. I built the resume. I got into law school. I did well. I ended up with what I thought would be my defining moment. I got a job at a prestigious law firm, the big oak desk, the assistant, the business cards.  Suddenly I realized I was miserable. It was shocking. I looked up and thought, “Wait a minute. My life has been in service to someone else’s ideals of what and who I should be.” This feels really wrong. I have anxiety. My stomach hurts. I’m not sleeping well. It feels wrong in my throat, in my heart. Is this what life is? Am I just going to mail it in and do this, and suffer through? Is this what life is?

Vicki: As many people feel.

David: As many, many people feel. A lot of us find ourselves at that place in our lives. Maybe we’re saying, “I’ve got the job. I’ve got the spouse, the family, the home, the cars…the things everyone told me were going to make me happy. Why is it I still feel disconnected, sad, lonely? Why do I have to reach for my iPhone every 5 minutes to distract myself from the feeling that wells up inside myself?”

A lot of us spend an incredible amount of energy trying to quiet that voice inside of us that says there’s something more…there is something different where you can be aligned with your heroic purpose, with your dharma. We’re scared by that.

For me, I had reached a point in my path where it was just untenable not to listen to that voice anymore. I finally said, “I’m going to surrender and let go. Yes, I may really disappoint my family. I may let down the college professors and law school professors who wrote me letters of recommendation. I may disappoint my hometown community.” All those things ego was screaming at me. It no longer was tenable. I let go. When I let go, my life finally actually started to really become. Surprisingly, all those people I thought I was letting down simply said, “Good for you. That’s awesome. Great for you for getting in alignment with your happiness.”

*2014 Interview excerpt with David Howitt edited for clarity, length, and readability. Conversations LIVE with Vicki St. Clair.